Monday, October 19, 2015

Now Hiring: Member of Parliament of Canada

A unique job opportunity: become one of Canada’s leaders! Work 2/3 in Ottawa, 1/3 in your local community. Participate in debates and vote on all legislation in Canada, though 19 times out of 20 your party will tell you how to vote. Everyone is your boss and most of them don’t like you or will be suspicious of you, but you will also be treated with respect by many. Reasonable pay and benefits.

We have designed a very unique recruitment process: 

Initially you must seek the nomination with the party of your choice in your local community by getting members to vote for you. Each party has different rules for that part so we will let them explain it. They will look into all your personal history and deem if you are fit to run for office; including social media posts, any photos or videos of you, etc.

Once nominated we will ask that you take 11 weeks of unpaid leave from work, to work for your new potential job, voluntarily. You will have to inspire a team of at least a hundred volunteers, fundraise 50-200 thousand dollars, and work at least full time in the public eye, including most evenings and weekends. You are permitted to hire staff to help you get your job if you fundraise enough money to pay them.

The hiring committee consists of approximately 100,000 citizens in your area. You will get their names and addresses and some phone numbers. Please try to contact each of them individually to explain your qualifications and see if they have any interview questions. Many of them do not want to be reached and about half will choose not to vote in the final selection (election). You are also encouraged to create a website and social media presence and  respond to as many surveys and media interviews as possible.

There will also be a national campaign run by your party leader which will influence most of the voters decisions in your local area. You will be expected to have informed and nuanced opinions on every issue that a voter is interested in, including and most importantly what your party’s platform and specific implementation plan is on the issue. Many of your personal expenses will be covered, if you can fundraise enough but most incidental expenses are your own. You can contribute up to $1,500 to your own campaign if you so choose.


Thank you for applying. The media will occasionally report on your progress based on random surveys of a few members of the hiring committee or their own personal opinion. All candidates will find out immediately what our decision is on October 19, 2015 when it is announced on the national news.

PS: You must re-apply, using the above process at least every four years and will be expected

PPS: Thanks to the love of my life Heather MacKenzie, and all the other candidates nation wide for agreeing to put your heart, soul, time, blood, sweat, and tears into an amazing election campaign. Democracy is a WORK in progress and YOU and your dedicated teams are the ones keeping it working. To all citizens, please do your part and take a few minutes to vote if you haven't already.